Hey Daddy Saturn
You've been a better dad than I've ever had... but damn you're hard on me
I have a tendency to lean on humour in inappropriate moments to cope with the hurt I actually feel… so if you’re easily offended or triggered, I place this warning in advance.
This season of my life feels like an extra long chapter of transition.
For the last 5ish years I’ve battled with aligning myself and my life with what I deeply and intuitively know my soul desires.
And it’s be one transition and change after another.
Let’s go on a little journey. Open the curtain to my Saturn return. Because I think life can be f*cking hard and somehow it just feels better when other people also admit how hard it is. Misery loves company? What I can tell you, now on the outskirts of it, I see just how important all of this hard was for my next chapters.
It started back in 2020 when I got pregnant AND the world underwent closure. A few things initiated in that year for me. Once I had my daughter that year, it became very clear when I felt something was worth my time, or not. I found myself questioning what I valued, what I wanted and how I wanted to spend my time. When I had to be away from this new tiny human I felt resentful. Being a mom is everything I’ve ever wanted out of my life. I’m a cancer sun after all. Going through pregnancy and facing so many things alone during the pandemic, followed by total isolation with a newborn as a first time mother… I was completely shook.
So along with my values being tested during this year, when I had my daughter it was as if I entered a portal. I have always and forever been empathetic, sensitive and aware of energy but as insane as it sounds, it was as if I was brought through a portal that intensified this the moment my daughter was pulled out of me.
Maybe she was the key.
Maybe she was my initiation (I did have her by c-section after labouring for hours without medication.)
Whatever happened, I really wasn’t prepared for it.
To keep the storyline short-ish, a number of changes followed her birth from 2021-now.
When I look back, it was a lot of walking away from things that didn’t feel aligned, even when I thought I loved it previously.
In 2021 I ended my business in virtual coaching and the network marketing world. Grieving a community I was so deeply connected and passionate about but also healing from concepts and ways of thinking I didn’t realize were so harmful.
I started another business that was short lived, creating a clothing brand for moms. This was loved on deeply but ultimately not scalable and was trading too much time away from my daughter for very little money. So I closed the doors after 6 months.
In 2022 I studied for my real estate license and started working in September. A totally different career path initiated. I did my Level 1 in Reiki. And in December of 2022 I initiated the end of my marriage and 13 year long relationship.
In 2023 I left my first real estate team, moved out and lived on my own. This was the first time I was entirely on my own and I was a single parent. I was working my first year in this new career. I was dating for the first time in my entire life and while grieving my relationship I started to write. I did my Level 2 Reiki and became certified to do Reiki on other people. I left social media entirely for 3 months after being (basically) an online blogger for 5 years, challenging the beliefs and alignment I felt with social media. And towards the end of this year I burrowed myself into a tunnel in the depths of my inner world and lived in hibernation. A caterpillar in a cocoon would be the only analogy I could use for this 8 month time period. I truly felt I was undergoing a massive transformation of who I was, how I was living and what I would continue with moving forward. 2023, my second half of my 29th year and the first half of my 30th year (I’m a July baby), was a really big year. Hello Saturn return.
In 2024, things started to fall into place, closing my 30th year and starting my 31st. I still don’t feel like I’ve left the cocoon yet but I think this year is like the wings bursting through, just about fully ready. I travelled back to my favourite place (Tulum, Mexico) for nearly 2 weeks and healed so many parts of myself I couldn’t do here in Ontario. I finished my book and published it (still can’t believe it! Check It Out Here.) I shifted my business in real estate from solo work and joined an incredible team. And… by complete shock to myself, I may have found what I feared I’d never find. Some love stories really do end for another one to begin.
Talk. About. Changes.
There’s no surprise my nervous system was shutting down and wanting to sleep. Or that I feel entirely exhausted (physically & emotionally.)
It was in 2022, I believe, that I first heard of our Saturn returns. In 2023 I really dove deep into my learning of astrology and it’s now, finally in 2024, that I have quite the grasp on the energy of the sky and understand just how impactful Daddy Saturn really is. They aren’t kidding when they say the energy of Saturn will stir you up, shake you about and force you to align with what your soul really desires.
A career change, a baby during a pandemic, a divorce, a book published after years of desiring to write one, Reiki, writing and a new relationship.
Daddy Saturn: you were hella tough on me. Strict, tough, persistent, determined but it all came from a place of love and wanting the best for me. I felt it and I know it. You’ve truly been a better dad than I’ve ever had, but maybe you can hold up on me and let me ride for a short little while, yeah?
Have you heard of a Saturn Return?
Are you in yours?
Are you in the years ~27-31 and finding yourself thinking “what in the actual F is happening and why is everything so hard?” or finding yourself unable to fight the urge to make massive changes like your career or a relationship?
Maybe it’s time to start learning about the energy of the cosmos 😉
Read about your Saturn return or seek out an astrologer for a reading. In 2023 I had a Saturn return birth chart reading and it was truly incredible and validating with everything I was experiencing.
My current favourite astrologer to learn from is
from the podcast Lightworkers Lounge and the author of a substack here called Ask The Morning.But there are so many beautiful and talented astrologers out there, I always recommend finding the teachers you resonate with most.
And if it’s not astrology that clicks, try Human Design (if you’re not new in my world, you know I am a huge advocate of this modality & it truly changed my life in 2022.)
I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in energy. I don’t believe every single thing is destiny because I believe our souls came with a purpose but entered this lifetime as a human which means freedom of choice. I believe our soul came here with a blueprint; a purpose, lessons to learn, gifts and challenges we’ll face in this lifetime.
And I like to think of our first Saturn return as a way of evaluating our life and the direction we’re headed and then reorganizing.
The biggest lesson Daddy Saturn taught me this first return: the harder and longer we fight something that we get the urge to change, the harder it ends up feeling.
While I haven’t mastered this yet, because I still love to ignore the nudges and intuitive thoughts and make it harder on myself, I’m aware of it. Now that I’m aware, I can check myself a lot faster and flow with the energy instead of resist against it, knowing whatever I have to change or let go of is creating space for something better.
To have what I have right now, I would go through it all again. Crazy to think that now because a year ago, I really struggled to know how I would go even another day.
I look forward to seeing how this year ends considering the amount that happened in the final quarter of last year. I’m also excited to see how 2025 unfolds for me now that I’m through the trenches of this return, navigating through the changes that erupted during that time and settling in.
If you’re in the thick of your return I applaud you. Keep going. Don’t resist the changes. Lean into them. Follow your heart and intuition. No matter how hard they are or how seemingly impossible they feel, they are for your good. Daddy Saturn lives through the purpose of teaching you the lessons your soul came here to learn. So buckle up and take it on.
Never forget: we are only ever given what we are capable of conquering.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading and your support ♡
An absolute honor to be an Astrologer you trust. Thank you Rae! This was so beautifully written, I'm ordering my copy of "One Day At A Time" now.