10 posts, 7 drafts, and more deleted all together.
Am I failing at this?
10 posts published since I launched this… and I’m proud of those.
But it’s stopped; the words and courage to hit publish and post.
It’s been months since I’ve actually published a post here for the world to read.
Yet, I’ve written them; 7 drafts saved in my dashboard, probably another 7 deleted all together…
I write with the intent to share, but when I’m finished there’s a resistance.
Something inside me guides me to hit ‘save draft’ instead of share.
And over this time, I’ve been reflecting on why.
I shared a post back in September - this one:
While I thought I moved through these thoughts and feelings at the time, it’s clear I needed more.
And who am I to expect myself to be completely rid of those fears and worries immediately when this is so. very. common?
My fear to be misunderstood? That was YEARS in the making and solid in the vault of who I’ve become.
Letting go of something this deeply rooted doesn’t always happen quickly.
I can often move through limiting beliefs and fears pretty quickly, but not always.
When I first started this work (the self work, the healing, the manifesting, the work on my limiting beliefs) it would take me a lot longer. But I’ve been working at this for nearly a decade… practicing and practicing, continuing to show up. Of course this skill has improved.
But some things take longer to heal from and are harder to rewire.
ALSO, sometimes, we just simply aren’t ready to fully embrace the new.
The new thought, the new identity, the new action. Whatever it might be.
In this post I was sharing about my desire to show up fully into what I desire to do. The work I want to do in this world. I was admitting my fear around showing up in the spiritual world while still working in another industry (real estate). At the time I was grappling with how I could do it all.
And I figured it out. But it’s taken time for it to play out in my life…
So often we expect things to change immediately. And sometimes they can. I have many examples of when I’ve shifted beliefs and my energy instantly, manifesting a completely new thing or different outcome and quickly.
But that’s not always the case. And we need to give ourselves some grace when this happens.
First, healing takes time, but there’s no determined timeline.
We don’t put a bandaid on an open wound and expect it to be healed and closed immediately. We put that bandage on knowing we may have to take it off and put a new one on. We put it on knowing it may take days, weeks or even months before it’s fully healed. We don’t put it on with the expectation of a set timeline, thinking “it will be perfectly healed in 3 days” Instead we know it will take time but the duration is unknown.
If this is what we know for visual wounds on our body… why do we have different expectations for the emotional and mental wounds in our brain, simply because we cannot see them?
Why do we expect ourselves to heal immediately?
Why do we expect ourselves to be able to change who we are and how we show up in the world as quickly as it is to turn ourselves around and walk in the opposite direction?
Let’s take my fear of being misunderstood…
This was developed years ago. Embedding itself as a belief and part of who I am for decades.
If I am just now choosing to release this fear, heal all those times I felt misunderstood, and change this belief from fear of being misunderstood to confidence in who I am and how I show up in the world despite what other people’s thoughts are of my actions… of course it’s going to take time to fully release and embody this new belief and identity. The new belief being that I love who I am, the work I desire to do and how I feel called to show up in this world. The new belief that I am worthy of success and living my purpose even while working a job in a different industry all together. That I can enjoy doing more than one thing and they absolutely can blend together.
My point here is…
Maybe in my publishing hiatus and 7 drafts saved season, I was healing wounds I could not see. Maybe those 7 drafts were meant to be written but only seen by my eyes.
We talk all the time about becoming the version of ourselves we desire to be.
What we don’t talk about is what that actually looks like.
What I’ve come to learn and understand is that it often looks like a time of quietly going inward before we can fully live into this new version, outward.
The ultimate truth is that I have not failed.
My words have not escaped.
I wasn’t blocked.
I was transforming.
I was evolving and expanding and healing and clearing all of the things I didn’t even know needed to be cleared and healed on the inside.
And on the outside… I’ve been going through some things.
Some beautiful things. Some things I haven’t shared to the public world.
But things no less.
And they all served a purpose.
Some of those things required me to rest.
Some of those things required me to expand.
Some of those things changed my job.
Some of those things were really amazing, some were really shitty and some were really exhausting.
But all of those things led me to the now.
And what’s now?
Hitting publish.
Writing something I feel ready and excited about sharing.
Creating things I feel aligned to share.
Sometimes things don’t make all the sense and need time to clarify in your mind.
Sometimes we want something and it requires rearranging; things in our outer world need to change and rearrange before the thing we are working towards can happen.
At the end of it all… the ultimate truth is that becoming who we desire to become takes time.
And time doing nothing is not time wasted, it’s serving it’s purpose too.
Time changing your mind is not unproductive, it’s rearranging, clearing and creating clarity.
And IN time, it will all make sense.
Just stay the course, keep the trust that it will, until it does ♡
I cannot wait to share what I have coming into the world next.
It all makes so much sense. There’s a lot of things.
First up is teaching about manifesting. Because it’s clear this is something that so many people are trying to use and implement in their life, but I find myself in conversations of exactly how to do it. What it actually looks like. It’s like a concept that isn’t fully understood or conceptualized to implement.
And I manifest my entire life at this point. Everything I desire, I opt to manifest it. I truly can’t imagine living a life where I thought “I want a new car but I just can’t afford it”
From my house, to the love of my life, to how I am showing up as a mom, to even CLIENTS and transactions in real estate. I manifest money, I manifest people, I manifest outcomes, I manifest specific situations, I manifest big things and small things.
I co create with the energy of the universe and truly believe anything I desire can and will be mine 🙊. No questions or resistance.
And this is what I tell anyone who shares with me a desire they have. My answer, every single time, is “manifest it!”
But the response is the same… “I should! But how?”
Over the last year (probably more but I’ve just become so aware of it over the last year) I’ve found myself sharing over and over again how I manifest. What they can do to manifest what they are “wishing” for.
So I thought… OKAY, I see you Universe. I hear you 🙃
And I’m ready to share it with all those that want to learn - How. To. Manifest.
More details to come - but if this tickles your interest and you want to learn - stay on the lookout for the sign up page.
It’s going to be virtual. Recording will be available in case you can’t attend live.
I hope you feel my energy;
the clarity, the ease, the flow and the excitement of me knowing what’s coming next.
Believing with me, the time writing and drafting those posts was, in fact, serving a purpose. Knowing it wasn’t a failure at all, but the time to get here.
I love to write. I love to share. And it’s my souls purpose to share what I’ve learned through my experiences in order to heal and feel more joy. I can’t deny it. I can’t quiet it. I can’t shy away from it. It calls at me every single day.
And if you read this far, I appreciate you.
So much love.
Until next time ♡